Oh, PhilaMOCA. Oh, Philadelphia. Oh, joy. I’ve been trying to think of what to say about last night. I deleted the first paragraph of this entry about 5 different times, because I didn’t know how to start this. Nothing that I wrote seemed to go hand-in-hand with how last night went. And, the more I think about it, the more I think words kind of suck for this type of thing. And now, the first paragraph of this entry is… well, this.
On to the second paragraph. Since I woke up yesterday morning, I was in this weird blur about how the night was going to. I rehearsed with the band, and they sounded fantastic. I thought we were going to have to work out the kinks and tighten up the band, but everybody knew their parts. Everybody fit. It was unreal how prepared my band was, and it made me so excited. But, I was still in a blur that I couldn’t get myself out of.
I think the reason I couldn’t think straight was because I was in a weird state of half-disbelief and half-nervousness. I rented out the space, booked the bands, wrote the parts for my backing band (I hate that term, by the way. I wrote the parts for my band*), organized the door-people, set up the stage… I was directly responsible for this show, and I was absolutely freaked. I was totally wired and anxious for the first couple of bands, trying to make sure everything was working out well and everybody was content/happy with their attendance. It was about everybody else but me, in my eyes.
Carl, the engineer for “We All Walk Fast and Nod in Unison”, noticed it. He came up to me and said “Chet, what are you doing? This is YOUR night. This is the culmination of all your hard work. Your time to shine. You need to relax and enjoy all of this”. I couldn’t thank him enough for that, because I took his advice. I also decided to drink a little more! But, it made me realize that everybody in attendance was a good person, and good people work things out themselves and “run the night”, so to speak. I didn’t have to be responsible for everything, even though I technically “was”. Everything was going to work out, and by the time Old People played, I was happier than I was in a very, very long time. By the time I was on stage (after A Fire With Friends played, who blew me away, as always), I was ecstatic. It was almost as if I didn’t care if we played the best show. I just wanted it to sound good, even though my mindset the past few months was to make it “bigger” and “better”. I just wanted people to hear my music and play my music in a totally natural way.
Then the set happened.
Then it was over.
Then the hugs commenced. The joy commenced. The aftershock of everything I’ve been working on for years all came together, and I realized that I did it. I didn’t know what I did, and I still don’t know. But I know something happened last night that I wasn’t expecting. There was an idea conveyed that reached farther than the music itself, and feeling somewhat responsible for something like that made me feel something I never felt before. I felt like I was in a community of strangers that, at the same time, I’ve always known. I felt like I was in the midst of something that was only going to get better. On top of everything, I felt complete. It was a weird sort of completion, as if everything I’ve been working on, every instant of conversation with my friends, every basement I’ve played, every show I’ve attended, everyone I’ve met in college/Philadelphia so far… it all made sense. It makes so much sense now that last night happened. It had to happen for me. I have a rejuvenated feeling of love for basically everything. Music in general, the music scene, the people within it, the audience, the venues, the genres, and anybody else responsible for it… it’s perfect.
I didn’t know where to begin with this. Those are the words I thought of for last night. For those of you not in attendance, I don’t know if this conveyed an adequate description. Maybe it even overstates last night for some people… but, for me, it was the beginning of something. God knows what that something is, but I’m so excited to find out. And I hope that future events make me think about my words more. I think my goal is to be in such a high degree of shock that a tumblr entry is impossible to create. This one was very hard.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
-Chet Williams
